be careful! You shouldn't say nine words!

Fierce words showed the reason for weakness—— Hugoli, B. Zhan Jin, Huang Huiyuan, translated by

1 "Come here."

It is ironic that the real meaning of this command sentence is actually to say: "Go away." Especially when a law enforcement officer said it in a threatening tone, some street gangsters automatically translated it into "slip away" and put it into action.

If a person who is neither a policeman nor a law-enforcement officer orders you (to come here), but can't provide any legal reasons, you should first ask: "Why?" If you can't get a reasonable answer, you might as well learn to be a street gangster and run away!

2 "You don't understand."

I don't know what you think, but this sentence sounds insulting to me. I can almost hear a comma at the end of the sentence, followed by the silent "fool". No matter who you say it to, it sounds very unpleasant. So it is suggested that you should say something like this: "It may not sound easy to understand, but..." or "Let me explain it to you..."

3 "Regulations are regulations."

This sounds like someone is going to be unlucky! If you believe that there is a need for regulations, don't be stingy with your explanation. For example, if you tell children that they must go to bed on time, and they want to know why, you should explain that they have enough sleep and good spirit, and have the strength to play the next day; Or tell them that you need their help to play the role of a good parent: "I have the responsibility to make you grow up healthily and happily, so you do your job well and I do mine."

4 "It's none of your business."

This is a rather overbearing sentence and an alternative kind of verbal violence. The reason why this remark sounds harsh is that it makes people shut up and refuse people thousands of miles away. That means you have nothing to say. It seems that you are just bullying others.

5 "What's your problem?"

The word "problem" is very problematic. It sounds like a helpless fool. It's like going back to primary school and being bullied by others. They don't understand anything. After all, no one is willing to admit that he has a problem, and everyone would rather hear the solution. The sentence "What's your problem" makes people sound that the problem is too serious.

In my opinion, it is better to replace it with the following sentence: "What's the matter? What can I do for you?" Then the two sides can discuss.

6 "You never..." "You always..."

This is the biggest lie. It's like knocking over a boat of people with one rod. Do children really "never" clean the room? (OK! For example, maybe it is!) Is your other half really "always" late? In fact, it is exaggerating the blame and playing by the title. It is obviously difficult to match the facts. It can be seen that you have lost sight of things. Besides, you wait and see, he will not pay attention to you again soon.

So the best way is to ask for his help. "If you are late and don't call, I will feel as if you don't care about me and my time." In this way, he will apologize, at least willing to explain the reason; If you immediately ask, "You never call first..." then he may ask you whether you remember that he was late three times last month and called.

"I warn you for the last time."

It is useless to say such words, because what will happen after that? It's not like you are talking about it again. It's endless. If you really don't want to say the same thing again, there is only one way to go: take action. If you are not prepared for action, others will look down on you. If you are ready and "really" ready, then warn your opponent that he can prepare to fight back against you. You'd better not reveal all your cards at once.

If it is necessary to strengthen your tone, I suggest you say this: "What I want to say is very important, so I repeat it again, please listen carefully."

8 "I'm all for you."

No one believes this kind of nonsense. As soon as this word is spoken, the listener will sneer at it and return it with sarcasm: "Yes, yes, I bet you are for my good."

9 "How about being rational?"

The way to make people rational is to treat them rationally. The words used should be precise and guaranteed. For example, "Do I understand your position?" Then repeat what the other person said in your words. This will not only ensure that you understand everything they said, but also that they can understand what they want to convey from your report. This method can eliminate people's tension and make them feel that you are on the same side with them and support them. Then you can help them think more rationally and not mess things up. There is no need to insinuate and insult them between the lines.

 注意！你不该说的九句话！

激烈的言辞彰示了薄弱的理由。——雨果里.B.詹金　黄慧鸢/译
    1“你过来。”
    很讽刺地，这个命令句内含的真正意思其实是说:“你走开。”特别是从一名执法人员口中，用恐吓的口气说出时，一些街头混混自动地便把它翻译成“溜之大吉”并付诸行动。
    假如一个既非警察又非执法者的人命令你(到这儿来)，却提不出什么合法的理由，你该先问:“为什么？”如果你得不到合理的答复，不妨学学街头混混，逃之夭夭吧！

     2“你不懂。”
     我不知道你是怎么想的，不过这句话我听起来充满轻侮，几乎可以听见句尾有个逗号，接着是没有说出声的“笨蛋”。无论话是说给谁听的，听起来很是不爽。所以建议你最好这么说:“听起来也许不太容易懂，不过……”或者“我来解释给你听……”
    3“规定就是规定。”
    这话听起来好像有人要倒霉了！假若你坚信规定有存在的必要，那么别吝啬你的解释。譬如说，你告诉孩子们必须准时上床，而他们要求知道什么原因，你该解释说:睡眠充足精神好，第二天才有力气玩;或者告诉他们你需要他们的协助，才能扮演好为人父母的角色:“我有责任使你们健康而快乐地成长，所以，你做好你分内的事，我做好我的。”
    4“不关你的事。”
    这是一句相当霸道的话，也是一种另类的言语暴力。此话听起来刺耳的原因是，这话毫不客气地叫人闭嘴，拒人于千里之外。这么说表示你根本无话可答，似乎你只是仗势欺人罢了。
    5“你有什么问题？”
     “问题”这两个字很有问题，听起来好像是无助的呆子，就好像是回到小学生时代，人家欺侮你小，什么都不懂。毕竟，没有人愿意承认他有问题，大家宁可听到解决的办法，而这一句“你有什么问题”，让人听起来问题过于严重。
     依我看，倒不如换成这么一句:“怎么回事？我能帮什么忙吗？”话说出口，双方便能展开讨论了。
   6“你从来不……”“你老是……”
    这是最大的谎言，简直是一竿子打翻一船人。孩子真的“从来不”打扫房间吗？(好吧！举例不当，也许真是有！)你的另一半真的“老是”迟到吗？这么说其实是夸大责难，借题发挥，显然很难与事实相符，可见你看事情已失去了准头，而且，你等着瞧，不久他便不会再理睬你了。
   所以最好的方法是你好人做到底，寻求他的协助，“你迟到而又没有打电话来，我会觉得你好像不关心我，不在乎我的时间。”这么一来，他会道歉，至少愿意解释原因;如果你劈头就问:“你从来都不先打个电话……”那么他可能要反问你记不记得，上个月他迟到了3次，都打过电话。
 

  7“我最后一次警告你。”
   说这种话最无济于事，因为说完之后会发生什么事呢？还不是你又旧话重提，没完没了。假如你真的不想再说一遍同样的话，那么只有一条路可以走:采取行动。如果你根本没有行动的准备，别人便会把你看扁。假设你胸有成竹，“真的”准备好了，那么就警告你的对手，他可以准备反击你，你最好不要一下子全露了底牌。
 有必要加强语气的话，建议你这么说:“我要说的话关系重大，所以我再重复一次，请你仔细听。”
    8“我都是为你好。”
     没有人相信这种鬼话，这话一出口，包管听的人会嗤之以鼻，语带讥讽地回敬你:“是喔，是喔，我敢打赌你是为了我好。”
    9“理智一点好不好？！”
    让人们理智的方法就是理性地对待他们。使用的字眼要确实、有保证，例如:“我是不是了解你的立场了？”接着把对方说过的话用你的话重述一遍，这样不但确保你听懂了他们所说的每一句话，同时他们也能从你的转述中了解自己所要传达的意思。用这个方法可以消除人们的紧张情绪，使他们觉得你和他们站在同一边，支持他们。然后你可以帮他们更加理智地想问题，不至于把事情弄糟，根本用不着在字里行间含沙射影、侮辱他们。
         

(This article is an original article by Zhuge Changqing, and the pictures are selected from the Internet. Welcome to forward it, and please indicate the source for forwarding)

Introduction to Zhuge Changqing: Zhuge Changqing, the inheritor and promoter of traditional Chinese culture, is willing to "learn from sages, promote virtue, revitalize China and benefit the world" together with people with the same ideals in the world.

(Zhuge Changqing: zhuge8031@163.com ）

Zhuge Changqing mailbox：

zhuge8031@163.com

Zhuge Changqing's Chinese Dream

Learn from sages and carry forward virtue

Revitalizing China for the benefit of the world

 （本文是诸葛长青原创文章，图片选自网络。欢迎转发，转发引用请注明出处）

诸葛长青简介：诸葛长青，中国国学传统文化传承弘扬者，愿与天下志同道合者一起“学习圣贤、弘扬善德、振兴中华、造福世界”。

（诸葛长青：zhuge8031@163.com）

Zhuge Changqing mailbox：

zhuge8031@163.com

  诸葛长青中国梦  

学习圣贤 弘扬善德

振兴中华 造福世界

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